About Me

South Africa
My husband, Brett and I live in beautiful South Africa and have been blessed with the most precious family. We have 2 very beautiful and brave daughters, Tianna and Angelee and a very precious little boy called Zac who touched our hearts forever in his 1 day here on earth. We never would have imagined that we would have to live this side of Heaven without our sweet boy who was born with half a heart, but every day Jesus carries us through and is teaching us more than ever how to live, laugh and love fully. A year and a half later, our faithful Great Restorer graciously blessed us once again with another son ... our beloved Gabriel ... a ray of sunshine in all our lives! This blog has been a place where I have been able to journal my journey through loss, hope and choosing to live a life rich in love.

Blog Archive

30 October 2018

One of those "check your heart" moments

I had one of those moments today. You know those moments that give you an unexpected glimpse in the mirror and you see something that you don't quite like. I had been been standing in line to pay for my groceries. When it was eventually my turn, I greeted the cashier with a friendly smile and hello, genuinely wanting to acknowledge her and show her my appreciation. She in turn ignored me point blank and simply told me to swipe my reward card. Just like that my mood changed. She was so abrupt and uninterested in the friendliness that I had just shown her. In an instant my smile was gone and I stood there silently unpacking my groceries. She ignored me and I ignored her, all the while stewing in my head. I couldn't believe how "off" this woman was and how it had changed my attitude in an instant. Years ago I used to coach customer care training, so everything in me felt like imparting a lesson to this grumpy young woman. Thankfully, that quiet inner voice inside my heart won out and helped me to keep my peace (and my tongue) and remain true to who I am and thank her before I left. 

When I got into the car I actually had to stop, sit and prayerfully ask God why her aloof attitude had such a negative impact on me. I didn't like how I felt. I had to reason and remind myself that everyone has "off" days. Maybe she was just lost in thought when I greeted her, or simply going through a hard time. The more I thought about it, the less upset I felt and the more peace I regained. But the question in my heart remained ... why had I allowed someone else's mood to change mine in an instant? I was shocked at how I could swing from genuine friendliness to being aloof myself in a matter of seconds, all based on how she responded to me and made me feel. What exactly was it that she made me feel? When I finally checked my own heart, the truth was that I had felt unacknowledged. 

Too often a feeling of being unacknowledged can throw our confidence, rob us of our joy or make us draw back from being who we really are. When we are acknowledged, a big part of us feels accepted and even celebrated. I had to remind myself that yes we all carry within our hearts the basic human need to be acknowledged and accepted, but unless I am deeply rooted in Christ's acceptance of me, I will be easily thrown like I was earlier today, and I didn't like the reactive way I felt. 

In hindsight, that young lady actually gave me a gift. She gave me a moment to assess my own heart. That's the gracious part about being a follower of Christ ... He responds to us in kindness and wisdom whenever we turn to Him for perspective. Even when we've seen parts in our own heart attitudes that need some working on. He gives us clarity to see where we feel insecure and why we are reactive ... and then He reassures us with His love and acceptance. 

I'm glad I had the opportunity to check my heart today. It was just the reminder I needed to know that God wants me living fully and freely out of the place of a deep knowing that He not only acknowledges but celebrates each one of us ... even on our "off" days ;0)

Love Jan 

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