Skip to main content

About Me

My photo
Janine Claire Robinson
Port Elizabeth, South Africa
Welcome to my little writing corner. I count my many blessings to be a cherished wife and an ever-learning-loving-growing mother to 3 amazing children this side of Heaven and a precious little boy in Heaven. Together as a family we pastor a precious church community called Redeeming Hope Church. I've had the privilege of loving and following Jesus Christ since my earliest memories as a child. No matter what I've gone through in life, He has always been so present. At heart, I'm an encourager ... so this is a place where I get to wear my heart on my sleeve and share my journey of learning to live a life of love in action.

Perspective in the Pruning

This time of year is a very tender time for me. I see a few heart-sore moments every now and then with my girls and hubby as we remember. The heart ache resurfaces in little ways and allows us to become honest in negotiating different layers in the grief journey. This time of year approaches the 2 year mark since our precious Zac was born and then passed on. The memories often flash through my mind in unguarded moments. I've learned to embrace the memories even with the tinge of pain that they bring. I've come to learn that being honest with the process of grief and having to negotiate pain does not in any way diminish the incredible work of healing, joy and restoration that God has so lovingly been pouring into our hearts. In fact, being honest to face it in truth with Jesus just allows deeper aspects of healing and restoration. Time with Jesus has shown me over and over again that with the pain, there is always healing and grace in His outstretched hands. As painful as some of those memories are, there is still so much beauty too in remembering every memory with Zac which forever changed our hearts and lives and has taught us how to love. 
The afternoon that Zac passed away, our doctor arrived with a small rose bush. He will never know what a life line that became for me. It was something "living" that I got to carry out of the hospital and travel home with when when we left Cape Town. That rose bush inspired Zac's garden of remembrance. People lovingly blessed us with beautiful plants and gifts for his garden. Tending those plants these last 2 years has been such a healing balm for my heart. Seeing the life in each rose bud reminds me that though my little boy is not here for me to hold and raise the way we so longed to do, that life is our reminder that he is every bit alive and thriving in Heaven. Part of caring for this special little garden is doing something that has always been hard for me. Pruning back those bushes when they look lush and beautiful. It never looks quite right to cut off blossoming branches. My eldest daughter today watched me take on the job of pruning back the garden. She was sad when she saw how much had been pruned back. I understood her sadness. I felt like that the first time I had to prune those beautiful roses ... but within weeks the beauty that started budding carried us through months of extravagant blossoms ... filling our hearts and home with the scent of the growth that came from having pruned them. Today I reminded myself of that when I took the shears in my hands. Its been a really tough week. I have had to work through layers of hurt, disappointment and not understanding some of the tough stuff .... but as I began to prune in the fresh Spring air, somehow in my heart I was able to exchange all my hurting with a quiet trust that God always sees to the growth. He is ALWAYS able to bring beauty through the pain that we face in our lives. He causes the growth in His many faithful ways. I was able to assure my daughter that in just a little while, she would see a whole different picture in our garden. Where she just sees stalks now, she will in no time be cutting blooms for us all to enjoy. This speaks to my heart on so many levels tonight. Sometimes we look out onto the garden of our lives and see stalks ... but God sees the lush fruitfulness that only He is able to bring. We don't always know how He is going to bring the beauty and growth ... but it's enough to simply rest in knowing that He will, when we lift up our eyes and trust Him. My job today was to prune. His job in the days to come will be to bring the blooms. 
I don't know what you might be facing today ... but if you are dealing with loss or disappointment of any kind, may your heart be encouraged as mine has been today. God so carefully and lovingly delights in tending to the growth in our lives when we dare to trust Him. Maybe, like me you feel like you are being pruned. It's a painful process, I know. Heck ... I was bleeding as I pruned and pulled back those thorny branches. But oh what beauty awaits! If we trust the Lord to allow the thorny places in our lives to be pruned back ... He will exchange the sharpness with fragrant blooms of His presence. 
When I look back over these last 2 years I can say with all of my heart that I would go through it all over again to have what we had with Zac. My hubby says the same, because we have experienced that as we have trusted Jesus in our walk so far, even in our sorrow, He has brought tremendous beauty from the ashes of loss. Today as I pruned back Zac's garden ... Gabriel, our sweet 7 month child of promise, lay on the grass smiling at me. What used to be a painful thing to do became another layer of healing as I rejoiced with one son, even while missing my other son. God has brought growth and beauty. Just being able to write this post ... even if it is only for me ... is another gift that Zac has given to me. It's yet another impact of his life pointing my heart to Jesus.
I cannot wait to watch his garden bloom in the weeks to come!
All my love xxx
Janine 

Comments

Copper + Cream said…
So encouraging to read of your story and to see the Lord working in your life. I can't imagine the loss of a child, but I do know that if I were to face that, God would be there to comfort and lift up the brokeness. Your boy is absolutely beautiful and what a blessing. When I see his pictures I can't get past his beautiful eyes! :) Thanks for your words of encouragement and sincerity.
Carol F said…
Awesome blog my Darling!! My precious Lion Heart is always in my heart and I'm always comforted when you open your heart and express such loving depths!! You teach me so much!!
Love, Always,
Mom xx
Anonymous said…
Hello Janine,
I found your blog just now via Adeye's
blog. Somehow, in all the time I have read her wonderful blog, I don't think I ever saw the post about your precious Zac. I am sooo very sorry for your loss!!
I just now read your latest post and I feel compelled to write and tell you that I will pray for you and your family and also, your words are being used by God to help me through a dark time of my own. Not as severe as yours--but painful nonetheless. Thank you for sharing your heart! Lori
Lori said…
New reader to your blog--commented just the other day. But, now, having read your entire blog, want to take a moment to wish your sweet "Leelee" a very Happy Birthday tomorrow!
Thank you for these special comments. It always makes my day to read your comments.
Lori - I don't have a way of contacting you back and I would love to write to you. If you would like to chat, you can email me on janine@designamat.net. Trusting that you will experience God's tangible grace with whatever you are facing right now.
Love Janine
Lori said…
Janine, I am so touched by your sweet words reaching out to me in the midst of your own journey as you honor your precious angel boy's memory. You and your family are such an inspiration and testimony of God's love! It is very late here in Maine so I will try to get some sleep but I'd love to correspond with you! My email address is onceachild@aol.com Love, Lori

Popular posts from this blog

Reasons to Celebrate

I am quickly typing this in between trying to pack up for Cape, and while packing I am having this to celebrate :0) What to celebrate you may ask ... well you would be amazed at how many amazing blessings you will discover of how good God has been to you when you start looking back and remembering what He has walked you through. Today I am celebrating many wonderful things! I am celebrating how no matter how dark certain moments have appeared to be, His light has ALWAYS broken through!!! Hope & Love have ALWAYS overcome the deepest of fears.  I am celebrating the precious family He has surrounded Brett and I with and the amazing friends and loved ones who have cheered us on and been praying us through. I celebrate how He has cocooned both my daughters hearts with the same peace He has cocooned Brett and my heart with and sheltered our precious family in constant hope of abundant life! I celebrate that as an extended family He has faithfully taught us all how to walk in victory

We are Seeing the Miracles Unfold!

Precious friends and family ... we are starting to see the miracles unfold! We just KNOW that we are living in the miracle :0) Yesterday we had a scan with the specialist who discovered and diagnosed all of Zac's heart defects in August. It's been about 6 weeks since the day we heard the horrible news. As you may remember, the defects she discovered that day in "that" heart were so complex ... not only one defect, but multiple! There was the issue of only 1 chamber; only seeing one major valve from the heart to the lungs where there must be 2 and then the complication of not being able to clearly see the arch of the aorta. What she saw of it, as well as  several other specialists, it looked too narrow and underdeveloped from what we could understand. When we came back from that first scan and spoke with our friend and paediatrician ... this was one of his biggest concerns. The aortic arch is so important in the functioning of the heart!  So before we went for the

The Day of Promise has Arrived

Precious friends ... The big day has finally arrived! Come 4pm today we will be taken into theater to meet our precious miracle son! Our hearts are filled with the Promises of our Beloved Jesus. This post is our hearts response of praise and adoration to Him because He has faithfully carried us through each day with "heart peace", strength, hope, faith and incredible love. He has coached us in how to stand leaning into His Almighty power, wisdom and goodness and has taken all the fear out of this journey. Today our hearts are soooooo excited. It is the day of promise ... Zac's appointed day to shine forth His Glory. As a family we want to thank each and every person and family who has lavished their love, encouragement and prayers to stand with us in looking to Jesus, the Great Physician in knitting Zac's inward parts intricately and wholly in my womb. We will keep you posted as we rejoice in great expectation at witnessing God's amazing love in action! Our eyes