About Me

South Africa
My husband, Brett and I live in beautiful South Africa and have been blessed with the most precious family. We have 2 very beautiful and brave daughters, Tianna and Angelee and a very precious little boy called Zac who touched our hearts forever in his 1 day here on earth. We never would have imagined that we would have to live this side of Heaven without our sweet boy who was born with half a heart, but every day Jesus carries us through and is teaching us more than ever how to live, laugh and love fully. A year and a half later, our faithful Great Restorer graciously blessed us once again with another son ... our beloved Gabriel ... a ray of sunshine in all our lives! This blog has been a place where I have been able to journal my journey through loss, hope and choosing to live a life rich in love.

Blog Archive

18 May 2012

A New Roof!

Just after Easter, we had a big home project to tackle. One we have been putting off for years. The roof had to come off and be replaced. The-ENTIRE-roof!!! Eish!!! When we got back from our Easter get away, we realised that we could not wait any longer. We came home to a house with leaks in 5 rooms. Our faithful old roof was just beyond any more patch up jobs. It was time.
When I look at the above picture I can relate to this old house of ours. In so many ways it feels like the roof got stripped off my life for a season, but the difference between me and this old house is that God never leaves us bare and exposed. Though it feels like a hurricane stripped away so much ... His Grace and Presence has been a constant shelter over my heart as the rebuilding has ensued. The last 7 months of surviving child loss have been the hardest journey of my life, yet I have never known the closeness of Jesus more. I haven't blogged much lately because I have been negotiating new layers of grief with God. I've needed to process with God first. It's all part of my healing process. This journey requires ongoing honesty with God as He rebuilds my heart. Over and over again His assurance washes over my heart that honesty is always what He desires. He can walk us through anything when we come to Him with an honest heart.
Revisiting Cape Town (and then negotiating my first Mothers Day without Zac) was hard. It took me back to the raw pain of having to let go when all I wanted with all my heart was to come home with a miracle. We prepared for a lifetime with Zac. He gave it, but from a greater Eternal vantage point. I guess, the miracle has become how God is able to piece back shattered hearts and reveal the Eternal in my everyday world. The miracle is that He reveals how there is still faith, hope and love no matter what we go through in life. The miracle is that the immortal, Living God ... the Great I Am walks hand in hand with us mortals through everything that we face here on earth and He walks with us in such tenderness and love!
I recently read something so wise that a grieving husband wrote in announcing his beloved wife's passing. Just like with Zac, so many people had prayed for a different outcome. This loving husband wrote “When we pray, we are trusting God; when He doesn't answer, He is trusting us.  God Himself has entrusted us with unanswered prayers. He is trusting us to go on trusting Him, and to follow Him not because of what He does for us or what we would want Him to do; but to follow because He is God, and we are not." This resounds so strongly in my heart. Sometimes, we just have to know that there are things that He trusts us to trust Him about.    
As I look at this picture again, I can relate that allowing God to repair my heart is a little like finally letting go and trusting Him to replace the brokenness, just like those old broken tiles that used to cover my roof. He can replace the disappointment and pain with heart healing. The funny thing is that the process of putting on our new roof wasn't as daunting as I expected it to be. When the roof came off, so did a sense of relief flood in. I knew that there would be no more "damage control" every time it rained. There would be no more internal damage to the ceilings, carpets and walls. It was finally going to be completely restored. Now when I look at my lovely dove-grey tin roof, when it rains, the soft pitter patter of rain on the roof brings me peace and not stress. Everything is in order. I know that the it is the same with my heart. What God has lovingly been rebuilding in my life bares His fingerprints, and I know that He does all things well. Taking one last look at that picture, what I do love is that though the roof came off, it allowed me to see the sun more fully ... or should I say the Son :0) Through it all, His love has shone through.
Maybe you also feel like the roof has caved in. Lift your eyes today and allow yourself to see how close Jesus stands to shine light and love over your life. I can promise you one thing ... He is THE Master Builder! There is nothing that He cannot make new and beautiful. Praying heart-peace over your heart today.
Much love xxx


Carol F said...

Oh my word Janni, what an awesome blog & revelation!! Your heartfelt writing always brings such illumination of the Love of God! Thanks you my Precious Daughter!!
Love Always,
Mom xxxxx

Carol Flack said...

Love your heartfelt writing my Darling Girl - I always receive such love, peace & illumination from your heart.
Love you Always,
Mom xxxxx

Janine said...

My sweet mom, you are such an encouragement to me. Thank you for always being there for me. I love you so much!

Gabrielle Jeromy said...

I love the way you relate the roof leaks with your newly-founded relationship with Him. About your roof, leaks can be a big problem if you’re not able to solve them right away. Just like in life, most problems cannot be solved on your own. There will be a time that you'll need help from the other people in your life, and Him. You're an inspiration to many who are facing the same challenges in life. I hope your roof, and your challenges are solved by now. Cheers! :)

Alejamuel Sultz said...

Having said that you found leaks in 5 rooms, you should either repair or better yet, replace your roof right away. Especially if you think that it would be the right thing, then go ahead, Janine! I wonder what kind of materials you are going to replace your roof with. By the way, I just hope that those leaks didn’t damage any of your things in the house.