About Me

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South Africa
My husband, Brett and I live in beautiful South Africa and have been blessed with the most precious family. We have 2 very beautiful and brave daughters, Tianna (15) and Angelee (12) and a very precious little boy called Zac who touched our hearts forever in his 1 day here on earth. We never would have imagined that we would have to live this side of Heaven without our sweet boy who was born with half a heart, but every day Jesus carries us through and is teaching us more than ever how to live, laugh and love fully. 3 years ago our faithful Great Restorer graciously blessed us once again with another son ... our beloved Gabriel ... a ray of sunshine in all our lives! "Love in Action" is our journey as a family to love the way Jesus is teaching us to love and live.

Blog Archive

30 March 2012

My most heartfelt post about the purpose of Zac's life.

Hello darling boy.
Well today is your 6 months anniversary and I have been looking forward to writing this letter to you. It is a very significant letter from mommy and daddy, coming to terms with where you are and where we are. As your mommy and daddy, we never get tired of talking about you and remembering every little detail of each moment that Father God gave us with you. It is our joy to share your story with others and tell what an amazing gift you have been to each of us. So here I am one again, a proud mommy, looking back at my very handsome little boy. Each photo makes me smile. Boyzie, you really are such a little cutie. Oh-so-serious with such wise little eyes. What wise things you have to teach us little love.
(That was your first peep at mommy. Melted my heart!) 
 (Daddy's favourite photo of his heart-peace baby boy.)
(Just too darling for words!)
As mommy and daddy are finding acceptance and peace in your story, Father God is teaching us that what was too-short a time frame for us, He will enlarge and expand. For the first time today, mommy found the words to explain to your little sisters, who miss you so much, just how special and important God's calling on your life has been. It may have been short, but it is radically impacting lives even today. When the pain threatens to be all too much, I let the Lord remind me of something the doctor told us the day before we drove home from Cape Town.
Dr. G. is a highly respected Doctor who is given the opportunity to lecture gynaecologists and is referred to deliver complex pregnancies. He was God picked for your delivery. At conferences where serious heart defects are explored, doctors are most often taught to highly recommend abortion to the parents. (Your PE doctor also told us about this). It is their understanding that this will save the parents so much pain, stress and exorbitant costs, especially as in a case as severe as what your heart was, where they all collaborated and expressed that no surgery would be able to save your life. Well my boy, this precious doctor sat across from us with tears in his eyes when we gave him a photo of you and expressed our thanks to him for being such a special part of our journey. He looked at your photo surrounded by your family and told us something that unveiled to us the impact of your life. He told us that whenever he would have to lecture other gynaecologists about heart defect cases, or walk alongside other parents with severe cases where the infant is expected to die, he would show your picture. He said he would tell of how precious your life was and how much love and joy was experienced even though it was only 22 hours. The whole team at your birth saw and experienced it.  He said that what he had seen over your birth and death had showed him how very worth it your life had been, no matter how short the time was. It was nothing short of sacred and special. In fact, I still hear from  your precious nicu nurse who cared for you right until the end. You forever touched her heart too. My boy,  they all saw in that hospital how much love and joy was poured out because of the gift of your life. So sweet boy, if your mission was to impact a doctors heart who will now encourage other  doctors and parents to take the risk to go full term and in the process be forever changed by the precious children God has entrusted them with, then my boy, your mission was so well fulfilled. You demonstrated that what God gives is absolutely life-bearing and heart-changing, even in death. The truth is that you are still leaving an impact.
You have the privilege of seeing it all now in full. On this side, we are still learning. Thank you precious love for being as brave as you were to give us each hour that you did. We are so much richer for it. When I look in your eyes, I see how you had your eyes already fixed on Jesus. He sustained you long enough to allow us to lavish you with all our love. I know that your heart knows full well how much we delight in you. On this 6 month milestone I am choosing to fix my eyes on my beautiful Jesus, just as you do, and draw my strength from Him and to praise Him for entrusting us with your life and story. My boy, your family is healing and allowing Jesus to fire up our hearts to make as big a difference with our long lives as you did with your short life.
This Mommy ...
This proud Daddy ...
And your beautiful big sisters ...
are forever thankful that we get to call you "son" and "brother". We rejoice that you are forever a part of our story and our lives. You have changed us for the better in so many ways. Today we are rejoicing over the gift of your beautiful life lived so well! We love you will all our hearts. Instead of tears, today there is a fire burning deep within us. A passion to love and live significant lives for the One who gives such good gifts. You are one of those good gifts my boy. We are forever thankful.
All our love,
Mommy and Daddy


Anonymous said...

Oh my Janine! Thank you for sharing this, I know we chatted about this and were so awed by God's divine ways - we cannot fathom - I have been speaking to people about the incredible testimony little Zac's life has been and that the Doctors have been impacted by the gracious gift that God placed in your arms - none of these plans were in anyone's to-do-list, but God saw fit that your boytjie carry this testimony. Love you so much my friend. Crying and laughing with you as you move forward everyday, cherishing every memory, and deeper learning of God's incredicble grace! xxx

Debbi said...

Janine, this is beautiful! I love what you said:
"You demonstrated that what God gives is absolutely life-bearing and heart-changing, even in death."

Every moment holds significant meaning and I learn this more and more each precious day. Whether the duration of our life is 9 months in the womb, 22 hours or 50 years...I've come to know that God values every second. My heart is so encouraged by the way you and your family are moving through this experience, your lives are a powerful testimony of our living God's love and the healing He alone brings. Much special love to you all today xxx

Miss Janet said...

Beautiful, just beautiful.

...but God.


EJN said...

What a precious story of how Zac and your family empacted the doctor... and how he will care for others by your example. What a beautiful picture of true faith and strong statement of the value of a precious little one - salt and light in this dark world. Zac really is so darling. God bless you with strength and courage as you walk out this path.
Our prayers are with you,

Kathryn said...

Hi Janine,
Thanks so much for your awesome, honest blog - i truly learn so much from it!
I was one of the people that was advised to terminate my pregnancy at 22 weeks, I so wish that we were advised differently, my baby boy had no left ventricle and had no chance of survival. I have to live with the knowledge of knowing that it was my decision to terminate his life, when I now know that that was never my decision to make.

Janine said...

Thank you friends for these precious messages.
Precious Kathryn, I wish I had an email address to write to you personally or a telephone number to phone you. What I want to share with you today is that God will redeem your loss and heartache my friend. He knew the counsel you were given and the heartache that was involved in those moments. Not only does He forgive, but He redeems completely! He doesn't hold it against us when we bring it to Him. He takes every one of all our mistakes, forgives and forever blots it out of His remembrance the very moment we repent. Those are His very words of promise to us through the book of Isaiah. Your son knows your beautiful love for him and there is coming a beautiful day of great reunion where you and I will finally be able to hold our whole-hearted little treasure boys again. I am sending you SO MUCH love and a very special prayer for heart healing. Love Janine

Heather said...

What a precious post. Your little boy was so handsome!! Thank you for your encouragement on my blog this morning. I means a lot that other women, who have lost babies, stop by and offer encouragement. Your unwavering faith is astounding.

Janine said...

Thank you Heather. I'm glad we have been able to "meet" even if it is via each other's blogs. Continued prayers for your mommy heart my friend.

Susan Struck said...

He taught us all a lesson. If his short life had such impact, we'd do well to consider the impact we have on each other daily. I pray that I can reduce the days I offer a negative impact and increase the days I can let Christ's light shine through me.

Janine said...

So well said Susan. That's my heart too.

Denise Malafaia Cerqueira said...

I have no words to say anything, dear!...
...I am here thinking of everything I've read this letter, that Mom, Dad and, of course, the sisters of Zac wrote thinking of him.
In fact, there are many lessons that God sent us by Zac. Even from afar, like me, and all women who prayed consoco Women in the World Network of Prayer (REMMO)
Ah .. I think he even cumpriur God's purpose here in 22 hours. Know however, that God sent this beautiful and strong boy for the right family! He knows everything, even! He knew that Zac could not be born in any other house, for all this beauty of life esfuciante in just 22 hours could not be missed. All this message needed to go beyond the bounds of family, friends and brothers in Christ who are close to you, dear!
How much I have learned with you, and now, through this post I was awarded for the most precious teachings that are true revelations about life and death, Hallelujah!
I tell you, not only Zac, but you, blessed his family, have been instruments to make us see things from the viewpoint of God. That God's time is the best we have to contemplate his own life, as something that goes beyond what exists here, where everything is very transitory.
I'll copy everything I read here and I read and reread to extract all that God through you all want me to learn.
Thank you, my friends and brothers in Christ.
Oh, Zac, the youngest son of you, is very, very nice indeed!
That the Eternal Father embrace you for me!
Kisses and peace!

Christine Rafferty said...

Hi Janine,

My name is Christine Rafferty, I also live in PE and know of you through mutual friends.

Your posts make me cry every time, because of the reality of Jesus through everything.

You are an incredible catalyst for others to see the beauty of Him, for others to long to know Him better and to SEE that it IS possible find His life in deep grief.

Thank you for being continually faithful to all He has invested into your heart through many years. Your faithfulness encourages us to be faithful.
Sending much love to you and your family.