"Behold, the Lord's eye is upon those who fear Him (who revere and worship Him with awe), who wait for Him and hope in His mercy and loving-kindness."
This verse speaks so deeply to my heart, because as I look back over the last few months since we first heard Zac's heart diagnosis and all the highs and lows that followed, one thing that I can say for certain is that all along I have known that His eye has been upon us as a family. As I stop to reflect today, I remember the lengths that the Lord went to, to show us His amazing attention to detail to express His love and Presence to us in every moment that we have faced. He raised up an army of believers to stand with us as a family, who encouraged us and loved us through what should have been the hardest time. Every day leading up to Zac's birth was supernaturally protected in "heart peace" because He had His eye on us, sending so many to love us and pray us through each day.
He went before us in arranging a safe place for Zac's birth, far away from home, with a team of doctors and nurses who gave us and our son the most supportive care. Looking back, I know that it was purely the favour of the Lord that we were given the time we had with Zac without him being kept away from us in the NICU all the time. It was the favour of the Lord that He never experienced pain or cardiac arrest even with such a defected heart. He simply breathed one moment and was with the Lord in the next. Not one gasping breath ... nor a trace of pain or strain on his precious little face ... all in the arms of his mommy with his daddy singing and praying over him. It is a gift I will always praise my Heavenly Father for. In that very moment, I knew His presence like I have never known before. It was the most sacred moment I have ever experienced. His eye was upon us in our hardest moment.
After his passing, He had already arranged the most peaceful & secluded place tucked away in the mountains, looking out onto the sea as a place to grieve that first week after His passing.The fact that He orchestrated everything to take place in Cape Town was a gift to us in hindsight. For us personally, He knew that it would be too painful for us to constantly be reminded of the same landmarks etc. Our time in Cape Town was a time where I came to understand what it meant to be "hidden in the cleft of the rock". His attention to detail in this regard was like a balm to my hurting heart.
In coming home, His compassion flooded towards us with love like I have never experienced through so many people pouring out words of comfort, meals, messages, flowers for Zac's garden, phone calls and just so many amazing other ways. A friend took me out to tea in a beautiful nursery which was a quiet and safe place for me to wander around. Others have just sat and cried with me and allowed me to talk about my sweet boy - such a precious gift to a grieving parent. All of these moments express to me that my Father's eye is upon me.
Once I got back home to P.E. His favour once again flowed over me as He made a way for my precious mom to be flown over from the U.S. to be with me in time for Zac's celebration service. Having her and my sister with me gave me strength to face one of my hardest days. His grace carried us through that day. I remember clearly looking out into the sky when we released 100 balloons to celebrate our sweet boy and sensing His eye looking upon us. A friend later sent me this picture of that moment. The first thing that struck me was the heart shaped cloud and then my husband pointed out that if you look closely at the top right of the cloud, it has the shape of an eye in it.
God is always in the details. While this may not speak to anyone else, this speaks volumes to my hubby and I. It shows us that He sees and He knows. He is with us in our journey. God does this for all who will look to Him. He delights to express His love to us in personal ways to show us His presence with us.
These last 2 days again, He has shown me once again how He sees the small details of my life and cares. I shared how blessed I was a few weeks ago when a surprise book was sent to me. It was a God-send at the perfect time. Well yesterday was another moment like that. I went looking for some roses to put in my house (for some reason it is a comfort to my heart to have living flowers in the home that makes me smile when I look at them). I couldn't find any at the shops. At the end of the afternoon my doorbell rang with a delivery from a dear friend ... an exquisite bunch of flowers.
What spoke so deeply to my heart is that these flowers (the roses and pin-cushion protea's) became my favourites to have in my garden of remembrance of Zac. This wasn't something that I had told anyone, just something I had pondered upon when walking around the nursery in the days after his passing. That the Lord is so mindful of that to place it on a friends heart to surprise me with takes my breath away. He sees and He knows. He also knows how much I love surprises. This came on a totally random day - no big milestone ... just a day of really missing my boy. My Jesus sent me flowers through a friend.
Again today He showed me His care by surprising me with another gift. A beautiful hamper of so many of my favourite goodies. Just a little surprise from another friend.
She had handpicked things that were our favourites to go into this hamper. For me it was just another kiss from my King to show me once again that He sees and He knows.
So much of this may seem random to some, but to me it is a clear picture of how He demonstrates His love in action. He is concerned with the little details of our hearts, because it shows us just how big His love for us really is. The God of the universe sees straight into our hearts and if we are willing to hope in His unfailing love ... we will see His eye upon us in the most unexpected and extraordinary ways.
All my love xxx