A few days after Zac's 'graduation' (I just simply can never get myself to type the words 'died' because my heart knows full well that my little boy is full of life, currently and forever very much alive in Heaven awaiting the day that the rest of his family will join him) we had to start planning his memorial service. It was the lowest time of my life. I could not muster any emotional resolve to plan my son's funeral. I had planned for him to LIVE, not die. I could not even think straight past the pain in my heart and the constant longing for my my little boy, to have to think what songs I wanted sung or order of service felt too overwhelming. Grief is so surreal and weird in those early days. I could not focus on anything for the first month. Conversations were so hard for me because all my senses felt over sensitive and raw. I couldn't follow long conversations without wanting to withdraw to a quiet place. Noise was overbearing to my senses. It's like your body shuts itself down to the bare basics to force you to slow down and process. Anyway - back to my point ... I said to my hubby that he could arrange whatever was on his heart to do for Zac's service as long as it didn't feel like a funeral. In fact, I did not even want the words "funeral" or "memorial service" worded in the invitation. We decided to call it his "celebration of life" service and on the day, it actually became his birthday party. (Gosh - I never knew I had so many "phrasing" issues?!). I know that this may seem strange to some as we all grieve differently, but words are very important to me. I wanted everything about that day to be about his life, not death. Every second he spent with us was such a gift and we wanted that celebrated.
One of the beautiful ideas my precious hubby had was, instead of people sending us bunches of flowers, to rather bring a living plant that we could plant in our garden as a living garden of remembrance for Zac. It has actually become such a healing balm to my heart over these last few weeks. We finally planted our beautiful roses and flowers. I find myself pottering around my garden every day, pinching off the dead leaves or pruning back the old flowers to make space for new growth. To see the new buds and branches growing brings such joy and peace to my heart. It all shouts out LIFE! Lord have mercy should any of those roses die!!! I think I might just become frantic - hee hee. So here is a peak at our garden so far.
On one of our early trips to the nursery to pick out special roses, my big girl fell in love with the sent of one of the red roses and she picked it to plant for her little brother. It just bloomed for her last week, which made us both smile.
This is one of my favorites. I picked it as it is named after Zac's second name. It's called a King David rose. How beautiful is that colour!!!
Seeing as this is a rose garden, what would a rose garden be without a rose bird bath. My precious handsomeness bought this for me last week. (You can spot Tianna's red rose behind it).
My garden wasn't complete without a beautiful tall Standard Rose. The white reminds me of the sweet innocence of my little boy. I often tease the girls by saying that at least one of my children will never be given a time out or discipline ;0) Hee hee. They think it is so unfair that he gets away with so much! Too cute. Don't you just love the heart shaped hands. I want to put bird seeds in there to feed our friendly little visitors.
This beautiful blue hydrangea arrived today as a gift from a precious friend. It made my heart sing, as I have been hunting for a bold blue flower for Zac's garden. I planted it as soon as I found a spare minute. Isn't it gorgeous!
We are also working on connecting a beautiful fountain that will sit right in front of our porch. I can't wait to show you when it is finally done! My heart is smiling just looking at all these beautiful pictures. I hope they make you smile too and inspire you to start digging around in your garden. Happy weekend sweet friends.
All my love xoxox