About Me

South Africa
My husband, Brett and I live in beautiful South Africa and have been blessed with the most precious family. We have 2 very beautiful and brave daughters, Tianna and Angelee and a very precious little boy called Zac who touched our hearts forever in his 1 day here on earth. We never would have imagined that we would have to live this side of Heaven without our sweet boy who was born with half a heart, but every day Jesus carries us through and is teaching us more than ever how to live, laugh and love fully. A year and a half later, our faithful Great Restorer graciously blessed us once again with another son ... our beloved Gabriel ... a ray of sunshine in all our lives! This blog has been a place where I have been able to journal my journey through loss, hope and choosing to live a life rich in love.

Blog Archive

25 November 2011

Zac's Garden and some "Phrasing" Issues ;0)

A few days after Zac's 'graduation' (I just simply can never get myself to type the words 'died' because my heart knows full well that my little boy is full of life, currently and forever very much alive in Heaven awaiting the day that the rest of his family will join him) we had to start planning his memorial service. It was the lowest time of my life. I could not muster any emotional resolve to plan my son's funeral. I had planned for him to LIVE, not die. I could not even think straight past the pain in my heart and the constant longing for my my little boy, to have to think what songs I wanted sung or order of service felt too overwhelming. Grief is so surreal and weird in those early days. I could not focus on anything for the first month. Conversations were so hard for me because all my senses felt over sensitive and raw. I couldn't follow long conversations without wanting to withdraw to a quiet place. Noise was overbearing to my senses. It's like your body shuts itself down to the bare basics to force you to slow down and process. Anyway - back to my point ... I said to my hubby that he could arrange whatever was on his heart to do for Zac's service as long as it didn't feel like a funeral. In fact, I did not even want the words "funeral" or "memorial service" worded in the invitation. We decided to call it his "celebration of life" service and  on the day, it actually became his birthday party. (Gosh - I never knew I had so many "phrasing" issues?!). I know that this may seem strange to some as we all grieve differently, but words are very important to me. I wanted everything about that day to be about his life, not death. Every second he spent with us was such a gift and we wanted that celebrated. 
One of the beautiful ideas my precious hubby had was, instead of people sending us bunches of flowers, to rather bring a living plant that we could plant in our garden as a living garden of remembrance for Zac. It has actually become such a healing balm to my heart over these last few weeks. We finally planted our beautiful roses and flowers. I find myself pottering around my garden every day, pinching off the dead leaves or pruning back the old flowers to make space for new growth. To see the new buds and branches growing brings such joy and peace to my heart. It all shouts out LIFE! Lord have mercy should any of those roses die!!! I think I might just become frantic - hee hee. So here is a peak at our garden so far. 
On one of our early trips to the nursery to pick out special roses, my big girl fell in love with the sent of one of the red roses and she picked it to plant for her little brother. It just bloomed for her last week, which made us both smile.   
This is one of my favorites. I picked it as it is named after Zac's second name. It's called a King David rose. How beautiful is that colour!!!
Seeing as this is a rose garden, what would a rose garden be without a rose bird bath. My precious handsomeness bought this for me last week. (You can spot Tianna's red rose behind it). 
My garden wasn't complete without a beautiful tall Standard Rose. The white reminds me of the sweet innocence of my little boy. I often tease the girls by saying that at least one of my children will never be given a time out or discipline ;0) Hee hee. They think it is so unfair that he gets away with so much! Too cute. Don't you just love the heart shaped hands. I want to put bird seeds in there to feed our friendly little visitors.
This beautiful blue hydrangea arrived today as a gift from a precious friend. It made my heart sing, as I have been hunting for a bold blue flower for Zac's garden. I planted it as soon as I found a spare minute. Isn't it gorgeous!
We are also working on connecting a beautiful fountain that will sit right in front of our porch. I can't wait to show you when it is finally done! My heart is smiling just looking at all these beautiful pictures. I hope they make you smile too and inspire you to start digging around in your garden. Happy weekend sweet friends.
All my love xoxox


EJN said...

Zac's garden is beautiful, what a wonderful way for your family to honor him.
Hoping our Lord will meet you at each turn with continued comfort sweet friend.

Grace and Peace,

Kelli said...

that is so beautiful!! What an amazing place to spend time with the Lord and talk to Zac!

Wishing for more peace and joy to fill your days!

Denise Malafaia Cerqueira said...

Hello, dear!
What a beautiful garden that I see. The flowers are so beautiful. How beautiful is the work God has done in the lives of his family.
Thus, like the flowers of this garden, your life will serve the Lord to inspire us all that we have followed the story of Zac.
I love you and I have learned from their lives that have exhaled the sweet fragrance of Jesus here on earth.
May you always be strong in the Lord.
Grace and peace!

LaurenJo said...

Yes, I am smiling. What an amazing garden Janine!
Thank you for your words and letting us pray for you. I have a dear friend who is pregnant with a little boy, his due date is Jan. 1. He is only expected to live minutes after birth. I am so unsure of my words for my dear friend. I know grief is different for everyone, but your words are helping me to undertand what she might not be able to say or want to say to me or anyone else.
I pray the Lord continues to give you peace, joy, and guidance through each day. God bless and many hugs.