About Me

My photo
South Africa
My husband, Brett and I live in beautiful South Africa and have been blessed with the most precious family. We have 2 very beautiful and brave daughters, Tianna (15) and Angelee (12) and a very precious little boy called Zac who touched our hearts forever in his 1 day here on earth. We never would have imagined that we would have to live this side of Heaven without our sweet boy who was born with half a heart, but every day Jesus carries us through and is teaching us more than ever how to live, laugh and love fully. 3 years ago our faithful Great Restorer graciously blessed us once again with another son ... our beloved Gabriel ... a ray of sunshine in all our lives! "Love in Action" is our journey as a family to love the way Jesus is teaching us to love and live.

Blog Archive

30 November 2011

You've got Mail: from Mommy

Hello my darling boy. Your Mommy, Daddy and sisters have been missing you so much so I had to write today. I am sitting in the rocking chair that I had dreamed of nursing you from, ready to share my heart and thoughts with you today. It's more for my healing than yours I know, but somehow it brings me great comfort to share these things with you. My heart KNOWS that your heart is fully healed and that you know only pure peace and joy, but this side of Heaven, my broken heart is taking a little more time to find complete wholeness. I can tell you that Jesus is so lovingly and carefully taking His time to mend each broken piece back together. Each day my heart knows a little more healing and even if this heart of mine bears the marks of having been pieced back together, I wouldn't swop it back to how it was before for anything. It now resembles the masterful hands of my Creator having attended to me personally after having met and released a cherished gift in my life. You. 
Lately He has been showing me beautiful glimpses of Eternal truths that bring me such joy and comfort. To know that I have one child spared from this broken world's sorrows is a great gift. In fact my boy ... you are teaching all of us as your family such amazing truths about Jesus and our eternal inheritance with Him. How privileged you are to be with Him in fullness. On a funny note, I had a good giggle thinking about how at least I know for sure that you will always get mommy's letters without any delays, seeing as there is no lost or delayed mail in Heaven ;0) I can just picture you being rocked in your beautiful Heavenly nursery being read a letter from your mommy today. That makes me smile. 
Today is a perfect day to write to you, because today 2 months ago I got to meet you face to face. My love boy, it was such a beautiful day for us as your family. The tears run down my cheeks as I remember it. Everything about our time with you was so peaceful and filled with joy. Though I weep, I smile in my heart because no matter how short that time was, it was FULL and your Daddy and I will carry through this lifetime the sweetness and joy of those memories. We have a little boy that we are going to spend eternity getting to know!!! I like to picture the fun you are going to have with your 2 big sisters who talk about you so much. We all sit and dream together what you must be experiencing. Wow ... you are going to be the one to show us all around our Heavenly home one day. Such sweet anticipation for us while we wait my darling! A friend had a word for me at your baby shower before we ever knew how short your time would be with us, that you would be the wise one in our family. She said that although you may be the smallest, there is such wisdom that you will impart to each of us. How true this is! Already you are teaching us about the deep things of our amazing God. In fact, I remember being taken aback when I first held you in my arms because, though I could not understand it at the time, there was just something about you that told my heart that you were destined for great things in Heaven. There was such a seriousness about your sweet little face. I could see such wisdom locked away in your beautiful eyes. My boy, I feel privileged to know that my precious Saviour is using my own child to reveal Himself and some of the "hidden mysteries" to me. I am one proud momma (not that you understand pride in Heaven! hee hee. It's just one of those things a mommy carries in her heart for each of her children. What can I say - your mommy is a work in progress ;0).
We set up the Christmas tree last night. We chose blue and silver as the main colours in your honour! Aunty Niqui gave me a special decoration that takes pride of place (oops ... there's that word again!) at the top of the advent calendar. It has all our names written on it, including yours.
I can't even imagine the buzz in Heaven as you get ready to celebrate your first Christmas there!!! There must be BIG party plans in operation for Jesus' birthday ;0) While we try wrapping our heads around enjoying this Christmas Season without you in our home, I will allow myself to find things to rejoice about, because to think of you is to know that there is the hope of forever because of the most precious gift Jesus gave us. Salvation. So my sweet boy, know that your family thinks and celebrates you with grateful hearts. You are always remembered and cherished. Jesus is using your story to encourage many broken hearts.   I will be forever thankful for that. I have met so many other brave mommies whose little ones may already be your friends. How gracious of Jesus to encourage me with these special people and have you surrounded by sweet little friends showing you all around the best gardens ever! I can just imagine the jungle gyms!!! Thank goodness I don't ever have to worry about you falling and hurting something ;0) Your life reminds Mommy each day to let every day count for eternity!
Please ask Jesus to kiss that little nose again for mommy xxx
All my love for always xoxox
Ps - You must smile when you look at how well your sisters are doing. Their love for you is so pure. Can you hear them giggling hysterically from the other room? I better go check on them! 


Anonymous said...

Hey My good friend...I really love reading your blogs, they absolutely amazing and the sincerity that just pours through touches my heart each time...All My Love Candice

Niqui said...

I am so encouraged to see how your Daddy is mending your heart. You are a true reflection of His grace and peace! You teach me so very much!

I love the idea of sending your boy mail (^^,) I think this Aunty is going to send up a letter or two too!

Amazing how such a little darling could have such a massive impact! Hey?

I love you my precious sis


Carol F said...

My Darling Janni, how my heart is touched by your heart of love - you display the 'burning love of God that He has for us all' in your writing!!
Thank you, my Queen -
All love forever,
Mom xxxxx

Anonymous said...

Dear Janine,
A friend sent me your blog a while ago and it has been such a blessing to me. I have 4 precious babies in heaven - 2 of them are boys - and I have struggled through very high high's and very low low's!
Your blog inspires me to hang on and to never lose faith and sight that God is still sovereign!
I had a good giggle to myself about your post on wanting to go to a Greek restuarant anf break glasses coz I had just said that exact same thing to my husband the day before! I felt I needed to get someanger and frustrations out.

I have also started blogging: www.sandalsgilmour.blogspot.com.

Sending you lots and lots of lone and thank you for sharing your heart with us!


Susan said...