As always, I need to start my post with a word of thanks for all the amazing words of encouragement and prayers that have been sent to us. I am not always able to reply to each of you personally, but please know that Brett and I pray God's blessings on each of you and praise Him with all our hearts for the amazing body of Christ who has rallied around us from all parts of the world! We are so humbled and blessed!!!
Every step of the way God has showed us clearly as a family how He has gone before us. Before every appointment we have faced over the last 8 weeks, He has always given us His promises to anchor us before we hear anything negative of fearful. Even in our trip to Cape Town He has provided for us in so many amazing ways. For the first part of our stay before we have our precious baby boy, here is the view from our bedroom and lounge ...
Such beautiful waterways and the back of Table Mountain. Though you cannot see it in this picture, when I look out to the right we see the sea too. It is so peaceful. I feel so cocooned in the shelter of His wings even though the storm has raged around us. The closer we get to Zac's caesar date (next week Wednesday), we have noticed the enemy try to thunder about us like a roaring lion. God in His amazing love and grace has shown us that while he may roar really loudly, the fact remains that he is a defeated foe! Jesus Himself took care of that personally through the finished work of the cross. As we look to Him ... our peace and certainty remains anchored.
In the week before we left for Cape Town I sensed the Lord ask me if we were willing to "walk on the water" - so to speak - with Him. Thank goodness we have the Word to look to in cases like this, because I have learned from Peter that as long as I keep my eyes fixed on His eyes, miracles are happening all around me. It is only if I turn to look at the size of the waves that my heart may feel overwhelmed. Isn't He amazing that He can give us peace in the midst of any wild storm?! Only He can!
These last 4 days for me have been a real test of whether I would stare into His eyes or look to the size of the waves. We met our new gynecologist, who is a very compassionate man, but also has to do his job professionally. As it was our first meeting, it was his first opportunity to scan Zac's heart for himself. After the scan he sat us down and spoke very frankly of Zac's chances. In short ... he felt that he had to prepare us for the fact that he cannot see how they can possible fix what he sees on that scan. He talked us through the delivery and what we could expect. He was trying to prepare us to say goodbye to our son. Oh Jesus ... it was the hardest appointment for me! Only He could hold Brett and my heart together. It was painful to hear that medical science does not feel equipped to fix what they see. HOWEVER, God had already gone before us once again with promises from the previous day and the revealed miracle of a recreated aortic arch and this reminded us that He IS at work!!!
We did our book in yesterday at the Christian Barnard Memorial Hospital. I found it tough. I just wanted to run a mile!!! Everything within me wanted to run back to the "safe place" back home of familiarity. This walk is a radical walk of faith. I got into the car and cried. As I cried, I felt His immense comfort to say it is all right. You are allowed to cry and be in faith at the same time ;0) How brave we sometimes try to be ... but it is not bravery He is looking for ... it is the leaning of all that we are into all that He is. He is looking for us to completely allow HIM to carry us in every way! This settled my heart once again. He is a God of certainty. Just before we left for the hospital He led me to read Hebrews 6:15-20. Verses 15 & 18 say
"And so it was that he (Abraham) having waited long and endured patiently, realized and obtained (in the birth of Isaac as a pledge of what was to come) what God had promised him.
This was so that, by two unchangeable things (His promise and His oath) in which it is impossible for God ever to prove false or deceive us, we who have fled (to Him) for refuge might have mighty indwelling strength and strong encouragement to grasp and hold fast the hope appointed for us and set before us."
Even as I type this my spirit is strengthened as I see how specific God is when He guides us through storms. When we first heard the actual "heart diagnosis" by the specialist 6 weeks ago and I asked God how we were to stand, I asked Him if He was asking me to lay Zac down. Clearly the Spirit of the Lord told me in the following days that He has not called us to lay Zac down, but that He is asking us to have the same faith that He asked of Abraham. To believe in Him and His goodness. Abraham knew that however God chose to do it ... He WOULD PROVIDE and that he was going to go back down that mountain with his son! He even told that to his servants who waited for them, before he and Isaac went up that mountain.
When God gives us His specific word on a matter, we have to see it as a certainty. That is what God is teaching Brett and I in our journey. He has been so specific with the promises He has given to us throughout our personal journey. Even though we have not yet seen the complete heart miracle, God has promised it to us. Hebrews 11:23 is a great encouragement to us as we stand believing ...
"So let us seize and hold fast and retain without wavering the hope we cherish and confess and our acknowledgment of it, for He who promised is reliable (sure) and faithful to His word."
As I woke up this morning, and looked out my window at Table Mountain He once again guided me to read the following verse:
"From the end of the earth will I cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed & fainting;
lead me to the Rock that is higher than I (yes, a Rock that is too high for me).
For You have been a shelter & a refuge for me, a strong tower against the adversary.
I will dwell in Your tabernacle forever;
let me find refuge & trust in the shelter of Your wings.
Selah (pause, & calmly think of that)!
Psalm 61:2-4 (Amplified Bible)
My precious Jesus ... You alone are the Rock that is higher than I and it is with You that nothing is impossible. You are my certainty and my sure foundation. You alone are the One who daily gives to us "heart peace". I will worship You.
All my love,