Firstly, thank you once again for all the wonderful messages of love and encouragement. Our hearts are so overwhelmed by all the love that keeps flowing our way. I am truly seeing what "Love in Action" looks like. My house is filled with bunches of flowers ... meals and treats keep being dropped off and my phone hardly stays silent with messages of hope and encouragement. God is hugging us through each of your acts of love.
Let me fill you in on the last few days.
Tuesday we flew out to Cape Town. Our appointment was in the late afternoon, but my phone kept beeping with the most incredible promises of God to bolster our hearts. This was the scan to determine a diagnosis of Zac's little heart. Every scripture and word of encouragement that was sent to us that morning became a pillar for us to lean into during that appointment.
The scan was one and a half hours long. She started out by weighing him and checking out all his organs. He has gained weight and moved from the lowest growth curve into just under average. That is a victory. Every limb, feature and organ is perfect. The blood tests ruled out chromosome defects ... another victory. Then she scanned the heart. Yikes people. It was the longest hour and a half as the the serious and weighty atmosphere desended into that little room. You know it's bad when the assistant nurse looks at the scan then walks over to you and pats your leg and looks so very sorry for what she is seeing. Then the specialist began talking.
I will never forget how hard that appointment was as long as I live. Brett and I just held each others hands for all we were worth as she told us what any parent dreads to hear ... that there is very little to no hope medically speaking. The defects in the heart she was scanning were what they term very complex ... beyond the standard heart operations that are still very serious but operable. This heart, though beating, had too many defects. Where she should see 4 chambers, she saw 1. Where she should see 2 tubes, she saw only one. She noted the coortation of the aorta my Doctor suspected and then still noticed that the arch of the aorta was too narrow. Each defect alone is a huge complex defect ... never mind all of this put together. She said she would have to work together with a pediatric cardiologist to see if any of this could be operable but she didn't sound very hopeful. When Brett asked if Zac can survive once born with his heart in this condition she said no. We felt like we were standing outside watching in on somebody else's scan. How could things go from healthy and fine all the way through the pregnancy to this? She said we have to deliver in Cape Town if there is to be any chance of survival and that is only if they deem they can operate. We are still waiting to hear what her and her colleague have agreed upon as their diagnosis. As we were about to leave, the assistant nurse came up to me and said she saw we had hope coming in but she wanted me to know that this was very bad. She said it was the worst heart case she has ever seen in her career and that there isn't much hope. I just cried my eyes out. Brett and I walked to the car, held onto each other and I sobbed. All through that scan I could feel Him embracing my heart asking me to trust a little longer ... that His fingerprints will be shown to be over Zac's heart. In that parking lot Brett and I decided that nothing had changed. We were still trusting in God for the same miracle we asked for in the first place ... a new heart from Him for Zac. Brett reminded me of Jairus in the Bible, that even after his daughter had died he went to find Jesus and asked Him to come and heal his little girl. Jesus did! We made the decision that God has led us so graciously, day by day over these last 2 weeks to trust and lean entirely into Him and to ask Him with fearless faith for Zac's miracle and that is what we will continue to do. Medical Science may not be able to help our son, but we know the One who is Creator of Heaven and earth - the maker of man who keeps reminding us that HE is knitting Zac together in my womb. HE is qualified for this job. HE is the only One more than equal to this occasion.
So friends, you may notice that I talk about Zac's heart scan on Tuesday in the past tense ... that is because Brett and I are leaning into the Word and Promises of the Living God to see that we have already claimed a new, strong, healthy heart from our Loving Saviour for Zac. We are choosing to believe in what God CAN do. This is the covenant that God Almighty has made with Zac already. He is the One who has showed us that we are not to waver in our trust, but to be fully convinced that that which we have asked for in faith, according to His Word, believing that we have received it, we can have. We cannot believe anything less. We know that Zac is a gift from God and has an incredible destiny in God, as we all do and that it will glorify God to have him live out each of his days bearing witness to the fact that God keeps His promises.
So that's where we are in the journey. This is a radical walk of faith for Brett and I, yet we have never had more peace in our hearts ... total "heart peace". While I cannot see Jesus with my physical eyes, I have never been more aware of His presence walking me through every minute of everyday.
My prayer is that even as God is encouraging and holding Brett and I up and teaching us how to walk in faith for our miracle, so will you hear our Heavenly Father's hope and heartbeat for you as you are trusting Him for your miracle. May you be carried by His grace and heart peace as we are. In the midst of the hardest storm, Jesus has stilled our hearts and we know He is taking us safely to the other side of Zac's miracle. This is the same Jesus who stands in your boat today, willing to take you to the other side of your miracle.
All my love xxx