About Me

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South Africa
My husband, Brett and I live in beautiful South Africa and have been blessed with the most precious family. We have 2 very beautiful and brave daughters, Tianna (15) and Angelee (12) and a very precious little boy called Zac who touched our hearts forever in his 1 day here on earth. We never would have imagined that we would have to live this side of Heaven without our sweet boy who was born with half a heart, but every day Jesus carries us through and is teaching us more than ever how to live, laugh and love fully. 3 years ago our faithful Great Restorer graciously blessed us once again with another son ... our beloved Gabriel ... a ray of sunshine in all our lives! "Love in Action" is our journey as a family to love the way Jesus is teaching us to love and live.

Blog Archive

24 June 2010

One of "THOSE" moments ...

If you are new to my blog, I just want to let you know that if I am going to blog - it's going to be honest! It's going to be true and real to where I am at. So ... having been warned, I'm kinda just blogging away after negotiating one of "THOSE" moments with my eldest. It's holidays here and we have family staying with us which we are loving. But that also means that it is super late and  everyone is over-tired. Now taking into account that this is a female dominated house at the moment (it's my hubby and with our family guests including me and my kids ... there are 7 females in this house!!!) which means there are a WHOLE LOT of emotions that are bound to erupt! My daughter and I just did the erupting and now that she is fast asleep and the volcanic ashes have settled, my heart feels heavy. On top of that, my cat is attacking the front door with a vengeance to come inside which is annoying me beyond words (and if you are wondering why I have not let her in, it's because I have FINALLY put my feet up and got comfortable under the blankets!). Sigh!!!! Breathe in ... breathe out. Ok - back to the point (don't worry about the cat - my ever merciful husband just let her in - hee hee). Now what was I saying ... oh yes, the guilt! Does any other mom out there also have the tendency to get into bed and reflect on everything she could have handled better? I really battle this one, because if I let my mind go there I can get so down. There is always a friend who seems to be raising her children with more patience or wisdom or creativity etc, etc. I really want to enter that place of peace and rest where I can relax in who God has made me to be as a mother to my girls and not always be comparing myself to this ideal locked up in my mind of what the perfect mother looks like. It is such a taunting mindset. What does settle my heart is that after our little 'eruption' tonight - kisses and cuddles were given and all was settled. My child sleeps peacefully knowing that her mommy loves her and wants her best. Now "the mommy" needs to release her emotions to her Father God and accept His acceptance of her that He chose wisely when He made me "mother" to my sweet girls. I may not be perfect, but I sure am open to all His leading, shaping and guidance!!!  I guess this post is mainly for me tonight, but even in typing this I feel His Presence. He is always with me and for that I am so grateful. 

Janine

2 comments:

Between You and Me said...

I just can't tell you how true this is for me, too. I homeschool, so I get a double dose of this "opportunity." I'm with them all the time and every.single.day. one of us really messes up and has to ask one another to forgive and then also work on "releasing" those guilty feelings to the Lord.


thanks for your beautiful honesty...

Kelli said...

Oh, how many times I have been there (and will be again, I'm sure). But, as you said, God put you as their mommy, and I believe it's not only so they can learn from you, but also, so that you can learn from and through them. I would not be learning patience and honesty and forgiveness (and the list goes on and on)on a daily basis, if it weren't for my kids! I know He would find another way to teach me, but for now, it's through my family...and even in the guilt ridden moments, I am thankful. Don't be so hard on yourself...your heart is huge, and it shows!
~Kelli