Love in Action Journey

Dear Zac, Today is another significant day for us as your family. Yesterday would have been your 3rd birthday and today your "Heavenly birthday". While we have come a long way from the excruciating pain of loss, our hearts still miss you dearly. It comforts my heart as your mom to write out the thoughts in my heart and take the time to sit and remember the precious moments entrusted to us through the time Father God gave us with you. I like to imagine our precious Jesus holding you in His lap reading you my letter ;0) I know where you are and have peace in that, but man how I long for even just a tiny little glimpse of the sweet little toddler that you have blossomed into in Heaven and just one more beloved snuggle. I continue to write out my heart, because over these last 3 years I have come to meet many other precious moms and dads who are hurting from walking similar journeys. My prayer is that the healing that Father God has so graciously been working out in our hearts...

Dear Zac, I had to find a quiet moment at the beginning of this day to come and sit outside and overlook your beautiful rose garden to write you this important letter. Today is your 1st birthday! Faithful Jesus knows mommy well and has given us the most beautiful sunny day for me to soak up His warmth right to my very heart ... and true to His loving kindness, your roses are starting to bloom!  As I take in how your garden has begun to grow and flourish over this last year, I can't help but imagine how you have grown and changed in the last Heavenly year of your life. I have no doubt that you are absolutely gorgeous and that Heaven is positively rejoicing over you today. I can just picture all our family that has gone before us doting over you. Hopefully they are serving you some angel-cake for breakfast ;0) Here at home we are choosing joy. We are choosing to make this a day of remembering you with all the love in our hearts. The tears shed come from hearts that ...

Precious Zac, 9 months ago you were born into our waiting arms. It still seems so surreal that we were chosen to carry you for 9 months and to be able to hold you for a day. The memories of every one of those hours are a gift beyond words ever expressing. You continue to shape our hearts and lives sweet boy. Today I find myself weighing so much up. There is the sadness of missing you being in our everyday world so much, but I am also mindful of the privilege of being entrusted with your story. I don't understand it all, but a day will come when you will sit on my lap in Heaven as Father God unpacks it all for this mommy''s heart to finally see in full. For now I will hold onto the promise that God handpicked your life and every moment that you lived. We stand amazed that your story continues to touch peoples lives with God's love and tenderness. It shows me that while you may be in Heaven, you are very much alive and never separated from the love in our hearts to sha...

Dear Zac, Sweetest boy, there is a never a day that you are not in our thoughts and in all of our hearts as your family. We think and talk about you all the time. Sometimes Jesus gives me beautiful pictures of how sweetly you must be growing. This mommy will always anticipate the day when I get to smother you in kisses again! Do you watch your big sisters bragging about how much they love you? It makes me smile. I'm sure it makes you smile too.  So my boy, Daddy told me that I wasn't allowed to tell anyone until we first told all our family ... so this clever mommy thought I would tell you and the whole world at the same time ;0) You are going to be a big brother! When I carried you in my tummy I always told daddy that you would be a big brother one day. Falling in love with you opened our hearts to dream of having one more little treasure. Today we got to tell your big sisters. The tears threaten to pour when I think of the unspeakable joy in their faces at hearing this ...

Hello darling boy. Well today is your 6 months anniversary and I have been looking forward to writing this letter to you. It is a very significant letter from mommy and daddy, coming to terms with where you are and where we are. As your mommy and daddy, we never get tired of talking about you and remembering every little detail of each moment that Father God gave us with you. It is our joy to share your story with others and tell what an amazing gift you have been to each of us. So here I am one again, a proud mommy, looking back at my very handsome little boy. Each photo makes me smile. Boyzie, you really are such a little cutie. Oh-so-serious with such wise little eyes. What wise things you have to teach us little love. (That was your first peep at mommy. Melted my heart!)   (Daddy's favourite photo of his heart-peace baby boy.) (Just too darling for words!) As mommy and daddy are finding acceptance and peace in your story, Fath...

Dear Zac, 4 months my little love. Exactly 4 months since you gazed into mommy's eyes and then Heaven engulfed you. While I never want to re-live the intense pain and shock of having to let you go, I so wish I could be back in the moment with you looking into my eyes. It was the most sacred moment I have ever experienced. One moment you were looking deep into my heart and the next you were looking into the eyes of Jesus. Somewhere in my heart I knew Father God was giving me a gift in that moment -  a last look to treasure till our eyes lock onto each other again in Heaven. These are the gifts that come only through great pain. There is such a Holy presence of God when we are given the opportunity of seeing someone we love step into eternity with Jesus. Just allowing myself to think back to those moments brings so many emotions that I have no words to express. You know in full and see with even greater clarity than I will for a long time still to come. You now see everything thro...

Exactly 3 months ago today you were born. I held you in my arms and knew such relief. I had no idea that my time with you would be so short. My heart knew only overwhelming love for you and faith that defies fear. I now see what a gift that faith was. It allowed me to be fully present with peace, instead of fear and panic for the time that we were given with you. It was pure joy to finally see you and hold you in our arms. I remember stroking your sweet little nose and kissing you over and over again and looking up into the smiling eyes of your courageous Daddy. My boy - I know that you are so proud of your Daddy - the way he fought for you and stood fearlessly in faith, believing for your best. Both Daddy and I miss you so much. Not a day goes by that we don't think about you and miss you with all our hearts. Your sisters talk to mommy about you so much. We all have a debate on about who will get to see you in Heaven first ;0) Whoever it will be ... they will have so many hugs an...

Hello my darling boy. Your Mommy, Daddy and sisters have been missing you so much so I had to write today. I am sitting in the rocking chair that I had dreamed of nursing you from, ready to share my heart and thoughts with you today. It's more for my healing than yours I know, but somehow it brings me great comfort to share these things with you. My heart KNOWS that your heart is fully healed and that you know only pure peace and joy, but this side of Heaven, my broken heart is taking a little more time to find complete wholeness. I can tell you that Jesus is so lovingly and carefully taking His time to mend each broken piece back together. Each day my heart knows a little more healing and even if this heart of mine bears the marks of having been pieced back together, I wouldn't swop it back to how it was before for anything. It now resembles the masterful hands of my Creator having attended to me personally after having met and released a cherished gift in my life. You.  La...

My Precious Zac, 5 weeks ago today you defied the odds and came into our world crying the sweetest cry that your mommy and daddy could ever hope to hear. The doctor's never thought that you would cry, but you showed them all my boy. Words like  "univentricular heart with a severe hypoplastic left ventricle syndrome"  followed by "major heart defect" ... "incompatible with life or corrective surgery" faded away as we finally got to meet you face to face. You were never anything but God's perfect gift to us my precious love boy. As long as I live I will never forget the wonder of your birth. I will never forget drinking in the sight of you for the first time as I prayed, kissed, cuddled and sang to you while you gently cried in my arms. I would do anything to hold you in my arms right now. Nothing could have given me more joy than seeing the bright glow of pure love that beamed from your daddy every moment that he was with you. The two of yo...