Walking the Journey

Oh goodness ... this year has been a little bit of a write off when it comes to my creativity and time dedicated to my blog. Unapologetically, this has been a season for me to focus on my family. In the last 18 months our sweet Gabriel has taken centre stage as my hubby, daughters and I savour this sweet little boys baby phase. In just a blink of an eye he has become a busy toddler, my eldest is exploring the very first phases of having become a teenager and I am holding onto each day of my precious second-born savouring her last few years as a little girl in the tween stage. I am a blessed mommy. 

While it always gives me such joy to snap pictures of my precious family, when they are all gathered in one snapshot, I still get that heart-pang that notices that one precious little face missing. Next month will mark 3 years since we last held our precious Zac. I often wonder what my sweet boy must look like now in his Heavenly home. I wonder which of his siblings he may look like? I wonder what his little personality must be like? Which of our traits does he carry? As I ponder these things, I am so thankful for how our gracious Heavenly Father has carried and tended to our hearts with such grace and infinite care these past 3 years. He has led us on a journey of Redeeming Hope, a name that has now become the name of our precious church family that meets in our home on Sundays. Over this season of our lives He has been teaching us how nothing is beyond His redemption and that He CAN and DOES mend back the brokeness and offer hope that is anchored in love, so when I have those moments of deep longing for my dear little boy, instead of a desperate loss, I can choose to see life and hope. In the low moments, when I see my daughters question and miss their brother, I can gently remind them that because our Redeemer lives, so does their sweet brother and the day will come where we will all hold one another again, but  until then we have the Great Comforter to carry us through each phase of our journey of heart healing. Those are no longer just words to us. They are our reality. I am thankful for the way God has led through this journey. He has taught us to be vulnerable, real and honest with our hearts. My children know that they can speak about their brother with us at any time. We can talk through the questions and the stages of loss. We can have a little cry when we need to, but we also have full permission to live life to the full and laugh and make memories that hallmark joy in our lives as a family. It certainly is an every-day learning curve, but thankfully each day is saturated in His grace. 

Today was just one of those days where I wanted to write about our journey and remember my precious boy. His life has given me the privilege to meet with other hurting mommies and be able to offer a story of Redeeming Hope. It also continues to remind me to live fully in the moment with those I love. To live honestly and love deeply. (I'm still a great work in progress in the Potters hands, but I can truly say I love that He is so faithful to the process of shaping me and He has given me a family that is so patient and forgiving as they put up with me in my growth journey ;0). The picture that comes to my mind as I write all of this is of a heart that has been pieced back together and while one can still see the cracks here and there from the journey of loss, their purpose now serves to be a window that allows the glory of God and the story of His hope to shine and seep through. I will forever be thankful for the family that God has given me. His picture and my picture of time may be so very different and I may not understand all the reasons or know how to answer all the "why's", but I do know that I will always be so grateful that He entrusted us with this precious child who is ours for all eternity, and the time will come when time finally will no longer hold us apart. While I never would have imagined that this would be our story, I will continue to tell it heartfully and continue to declare the goodness of God because He has exchanged and brought immense beauty from our ashes. 

Love always xxx

Janine