Love in Action Journey

Hello darling boy. Well today is your 6 months anniversary and I have been looking forward to writing this letter to you. It is a very significant letter from mommy and daddy, coming to terms with where you are and where we are. As your mommy and daddy, we never get tired of talking about you and remembering every little detail of each moment that Father God gave us with you. It is our joy to share your story with others and tell what an amazing gift you have been to each of us. So here I am one again, a proud mommy, looking back at my very handsome little boy. Each photo makes me smile. Boyzie, you really are such a little cutie. Oh-so-serious with such wise little eyes. What wise things you have to teach us little love. (That was your first peep at mommy. Melted my heart!)   (Daddy's favourite photo of his heart-peace baby boy.) (Just too darling for words!) As mommy and daddy are finding acceptance and peace in your story, Fath...

I had one of those profound moments today in the middle of doing some month end reports. I was plugging away at my reports, whilst listening to the girls in the background. Tianna (my eldest) was helping Angelee do some homework worksheets. (How I got the girls to do homework in the holidays is another story all together ;0) - hee hee). I was so struck by how encouraging and patient she was with her little sister. She would sweetly explain what to do when her little sis got stuck and she kept cheering her on every time she got something right. There was no irritation or frustration. They were actually having so much fun together doing homework?! Shocking, right! My heart swelled with mama pride at the new light I saw my big girl in. She has such a beautiful way of teaching little children. Then a thought sucker punched me. I used to be like that when I was a child, but somewhere along the line of growing up and becoming a responsible, busy adult I learned how to worry . I learned how...

Mommy, if you are reading this (and I know you are) I am writing this while munching red big korn bites :0) Just thought I would let you know that, coz I know it would make you smile ;0) Okay, that was a total side note, but random as per my random personality - hee hee. (Besides - anything to make my mama smile). :0) Now on to today's post. Lately, I hear from or talk to many people who themselves are negotiating grief. It always touches my heart deeply to hear from others who have or are experiencing the journey of loss. It has become a big part of my journey to share my heart about our life with and since Zac's "graduation" and it means so much to me when others share their stories with me too. We learn and draw strength from one another, even if our stories are different. This is also a big reason why I continue to choose to journal through the range of different emotions I tackle in this healing process. A big part of grief is the fact that it is so foreign ...

Today would have been my precious Granny's 90th birthday. She made it just past her 89th birthday so this is her first birthday in Heaven. Now that's a thought! I can just imagine the music that she is surely dancing to even as  type this. That's my Granny - always part of the fun wherever it's happening. She LOVED dancing! Now she gets to dance without any inhibitions or restrictions in her body. Her zest for life and her love for people always spoke to my heart. Granny prayed for more people than we as her family will ever know. I remember so many nights falling asleep hearing her praying over her family before she would fall asleep. Even when she was at the worst of her pain towards the end, I would hear her praying in her room for her family. She was an intercessor. Now she prays with the saint in Heaven with a strong, healthy body and is cheering us on from those great big heavenly grandstands. She had a naughty little sparkle in her eye that often made me laugh. ...

This morning as I rise up I am choosing joy. I am choosing to look into the face of the One who always speaks words of love, encouragement and truth. He is my hope and my refuge. He is the surety beneath my feet. He brings laughter and joy. He whispers words of assurance. It doesn't matter what else rages around me, when I lift my eyes to Him, I am reminded that He is greater! He is the Almighty. The Great I Am and He is bigger than anything else. He is love. He is peace and He places Himself in my world everyday. He has walked me through every high and low of my life and today is no exception. He faithfully reaches out in love to walk me through another day. Today has all the opportunity to be a good day, because He is in it with me.  My Jesus, this is my little "thank you" to you for always being so present. Love you ALWAYS xxx Janine

I found some photo's yesterday of some of my favourite things that I had for Zac. It brought so many memories back to me. The outfit that I packed for him to come home from the hospital in. The softest blankets that made me smile because they were clearly made for my little boy. My favourite outfits chosen with love from my mom and sis when they were together in the US just as we found out about Zac's heart. And the cutest socks and booties - all stuff that made his daddy, mommy and sisters delight at the reality of having a little boy added to our family. When I look at these pictures, so many emotions flood my heart. Incredible loss of so much love that we wanted to lavish on this treasured little boy, but also joy when I remember how fully we anticipated and prepared for his presence in our family. Brett and I often catch ourselves saying how surreal it all really is. Our little Zac was always meant to be part of our family. We just never imagined that it ...

I just got to have my precious Mommy Darling spend a week with us in our home. Because she has been living in Virginia for the last 6 years, every visit is such a treasure! Once again, our time together was so full of beautiful memories. Times to chat and laugh and share hearts. How I love and appreciate the softness, love, generosity, joy and kindness that always shines through her. I am blessed to call her my mom and continue to learn so much from her generous heart and ways. Thanks for the precious memories this last week my Mommy Darling. You are always in my heart. xxx   Before her stay, we have been hard at work giving the living areas a much needed makeover. As you will see in so many of my older pics, my lounge and dining room were done out in bright yellow and orange! Back in the day when we were first newly wed we thought this was so cool. 14 years later, we have been going crazy gazing into these bright walls! So hubby and I put our heads together to give ...

This week marked 5 months since we last cuddled our sweet boy. It kind of hit home hard this week. We just miss him so much. What touches my heart so deeply is how the Lord always knows the condition of our hearts and goes before us. On Zac's 5 month anniversary I arrived at the bible study group that I run in floods of tears. It was just one of those days where the tears came no matter what. The girls didn't know that it was the 5 month anniversary, yet the Lord used them to cheer me up in such a precious way. They had organized the most beautiful bouquet of flowers to surprise me with that day. Their love was such a soothing balm to my hurting heart and the fact that the Lord knew how I would feel on this anniversary and prompted them to buy me flowers was like a tender kiss from Jesus straight to my tender heart.  Since then a feel like I have turned another corner. Yesterday, Brett, the girls and I flew to Joburg to be with my family for the weekend. My precious niece is...