Love in Action Journey

Dear Zac, 4 months my little love. Exactly 4 months since you gazed into mommy's eyes and then Heaven engulfed you. While I never want to re-live the intense pain and shock of having to let you go, I so wish I could be back in the moment with you looking into my eyes. It was the most sacred moment I have ever experienced. One moment you were looking deep into my heart and the next you were looking into the eyes of Jesus. Somewhere in my heart I knew Father God was giving me a gift in that moment -  a last look to treasure till our eyes lock onto each other again in Heaven. These are the gifts that come only through great pain. There is such a Holy presence of God when we are given the opportunity of seeing someone we love step into eternity with Jesus. Just allowing myself to think back to those moments brings so many emotions that I have no words to express. You know in full and see with even greater clarity than I will for a long time still to come. You now see everything thro...

I walked outside to tend to my beautiful rose garden and look at this beautiful outpouring of love from my Heavenly Father. 12 beautiful white roses all off one main stem. I love this rose bush. It's my "Antique Silk" rosebush and it reminds me of the purity of my sweet little boy. In the first few weeks of grieving  I was so heart-broken at the thought of being robbed of spending a lifetime on this earth with my little love. Then, in His gentle grace God slowly began to show me some of Zac's amazing treasures, one of the biggest being that he has been privileged that he will never have to taste the repercussions of sin in his life. He was born into a room filled with love and met by the person of Love Himself who sustained him long enough to fill his heart with our love, and more so, to allow our hearts to soak up all of his sweetness before it was time to live in his Heavenly home. He has and always will know the purity of a life unstained by sin or regret. Wha...

Two quotes I read lately that I love: "Every happening, great and small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us, and the art of life is to get the message." Malcolm Muggeridge Keep your eyes and ears open today for little ways that God may be speaking to you. For me this week, it was through a flock of mixed birds landing on my lawn to feed. I have a big old tree that hangs over my gate and every afternoon at around 6:30 the sounds from that tree come alive. I have been gazing out on that big old tree for weeks wondering which shy but noisy little creatures are living in there. Then on Monday, unexpectedly as I was sitting on the porch chatting on the phone all these mixed little birds flew out from under that tree and settled in to feast on the bread crumbs I had scattered earlier in the day. They splashed in the bird bath that we faithfully fill, yet have never yet seen a bird make use of and these little birds put on the most beautiful show for me as I sat there wi...

I am constantly amazed at what a roller coaster ride grief is. Today has been a strong day. I woke up early to have an invigorating walk on the beach with friends. By 8:30 I was booked in for a deluxe pedicure from a friend. So fun to have bright pink toenails ;0) I came home and lay on a garden chair outside soaking up some Summer sunshine and started reading a beautiful book by Max Lucado that I am LOVING ... it's called "Facing your Giants". Seriously ... that man has the most beautiful gift in expression. His words paint such vivid pictures which make God's truths so real and understandable.  I had a good afternoon with the girls doing homework, playing games and ending off with a precious devotional reading together. Now tonight as my little girls are tucked into bed and my hubby is relaxing, I sit here in my rocking chair in what should have been Zac's room and I feel drawn to close my eyes and imagine what it would be like to have my little boy in my arm...

I haven't really been in a blogging head space lately. I have so many feelings, but few words to put it all into. There are no pictures today and quite honestly, I don't even know what is going to come out as I write. That's kind of how I write. I put my fingers to the keyboard and wait to see what comes out. I've come to accept that I am actually quite a "let's just jump into the deep end and I'm sure I'll figure out how to swim" kinda-gal - at least with writing that is. That's how I roll peeps, so if you are brave enough to read on, I'm impressed by your courage ;0) On a whole, there a lot more really good days these days. That in itself seems like a huge miracle to me, because almost 4 months ago I never thought I would ever be able to feel anything but intense missing, longing and pain. Mixed into the good days are often moments though, that bring me back to the stark reminder of life in the here-and-now without my little boy in my ...

Posts have been on the quieter side as I took a break from my emails and blogging with my family here for Christmas and New Year. I have so many beautiful pictures of a precious time together. Thankfully my sis was on the ball during our holiday, so you can check them out at her blog if you like. I guarantee that you will be blessed by her encouraging posts. (Hey - she's the best big sis ever, so I'm allowed to brag - hee hee). I also have to do a post soon about tackling my very first sewing project on the last day of holiday with my sis. Watch this space.  This week has been all about settling back into family routine. Brett started back at work (I miss him!!!! But, we did sneak out to lunch before fetching the girls from school - oh how I love those "stolen moments". It keeps us feeling like newly weds (almost 15 years later). My big girl has slotted so well into her new grade 5 class and it blesses me to see her excited about the grade ahead. It has also been ...

Today was a big day for our family. We watched our little girl all of a sudden grow up in front of our eyes and enter big school with such peace and confidence. Our little Angelee is finally at big school with her protective big sis! On the way to school ... Talk about Daddy's little mini-me. I just LOVE this pic! And I am also so jolly proud of my big girl for taking this photo for us. A photographer in the making! Today my heart is rejoicing that I am given the privilege of watching these two beautiful daughters of ours bloom. My heart rejoices at the thought of what adventures lie in store for us as a family this year. Our precious Zac is our constant reminder to live each day finding the reason to celebrate. I am going to sleep with a smile on my face having watched my little girl rise to the occasion and tackle her first day so bravely. Well done my Leelee!  All my love xxx Janine

There is something so gracious about the start of a new year. It always feels like a clear slate. An opportunity for new beginnings. Sometimes it's the chance to start all over again, or maybe it is the moment of finally choosing to leave the past in the past and walking into the blessings of what 'now' entails. While it is a letting go, it is also an embracing of the beauty that awaits. For me, this year, it's the treasure of knowing that there is purpose and destiny of incredible adventures and memories to be explored in the days ahead. This is my little "Happy New Year" to you as you enter 2012. There is untold beauty to discover in Him this year as you do what you were made to do ... to walk with the One who has destiny written over each of our days. I am walking into this year with heart peace and beautiful expectancy, because I walk into this year with my King. I walk into this year with a deep sense of thanksgiving for the family that He has entrusted ...